A More Perfect Union: How I Survived the Happiest Day of My Life

Hana Schank lives up to the promise of the subtitle ("How I Survived the Happiest Day of My Life") to her marriage memoir A More Perfect Union with humor, history, and a self-aware look at just how this modern, feminist-minded woman got caught up in everything from flower colors to save the date cards. "In just a few weeks they had become my new vital statistics," Schank writes about the post-engagement facts of her life as strangers swarm her to find out every detail of her nuptials, her "Rosetta stone" of a ring blaring to anyone she meets that she is about to get married. Using her own foray onto wedding website The Knot's message boards and reading of wedding magazines as background, Schank proceeds to recount the ways the process getting married changed her, and what she learns about the wedding industry along the way. She's telling the story as both an observer and participant, going back and forth with facts she doles out about the corporate and cultural pressure on brides to how these intimately affected her. Schank talks about the things one isn't usually supposed to mention when it comes to the joy of weddings--namely divorce, baby pressure, the picking and choosing of religious traditions. She acknowledges the clashes she and her husband have over the wedding planning, such as his anger that he's not once asked his opinion about their flower choices. This is not simply a tirade against the wedding industry, or it would not be such a delight to read. Schank and her fiancé Steven are able to laugh at those around them--and themselves--pretending to shoot at each other with the scanner while adding to their registry, or joking on their way to retrieve her wedding dress: "I feel like I should be yelling at some imaginary kids back there or something," I said. Steven turned his head to the back of the van. "Stop hitting your brother!" he yelled. I laughed. "Who wants to watch the Finding Nemo DVD again?" I asked the backseat. What becomes crystal clear from page one is how much of their wedding planning is not only inclusive of, but dependent on, their families, from what to wear during the wedding weekend softball game to how Schank's divorced and divisive parents will be able to come together. Reading her final chapter, in which her fiance's brother gets a concussion during the softball game and various mishaps occur, I certainly teared up when Schank's parents join her to walk down the aisle, adding a blissful conclusion to the often-stressful weekend. "And right then I realize that this was the moment I planned the entire wedding for. If weddings are about fantasies, then this was mine: I wanted my family back together again, even if it was for a few fleeting seconds. And right then, as I bask in the warmth of my family, it is all worth it. The months of tears and obsession and ribbon and Martha Stewart. It is all worth it." These sentences show that while her marriage is, in large part, about, as the rabbi tells Schank, "sov

Hanna Schank's story of "How I Survived the Happiest Day of My Life" is essential reading for any bride, groom, family member, wedding party member, newlywed, wedding guest, literature fan, or memoir fan. I read this book just a year after planning my own wedding, I had repeated moments of identification with Schank's experience. I would have loved to have been given this book as a bride-to-be. Schank was a highly successful 30-year-old New York woman when she got engaged. She experienced a year of the tug of Bridezilla-ness despite her best efforts to keep her wedding plans in check. The became obsessed with her wedding colors despite her original plans to allow everyone to dress as they wished. She initially spurned registries and then became irritated with people who didn't believe in them. After laughing at the notion of Save the Date cards, Schank painstakingly hand-tied bows on hundreds of them, and was then crushed when they didn't garner effuse praise from the recipients. At some point, Schank succumbed to the belief in "My Day" and flew off the handle at vendors who refused alter their standard packages to meet her unique needs. In addition to her first-hand bride experience, Schank possesses research skills and an MFA in non-fiction writing, so she is supremely qualified to reflect on her experience with the modern bridal industry. She muses about the invention of the registry, about the social networking of wedding site The Knot, about the "once in a lifetime" mantra of the wedding industrial machine (spend the money, this is once in a lifetime), and about traditional Victorian etiquette versus the realities of modern life. Grammy serves as the perfect foil to all of Schank's wedding planning. Over the telephone, Schank has to repeatedly explain to her aged grandmother the wedding plans, the reasons behind traditions, and what she needs from her relatives. Schank's witty prose ties the story together well. One of my favorite passages is about the trickle of wedding gifts that start arriving after the invitations are mailed: "Other people called our parents and informed them that they didn't see anything on the registry they liked, and therefore wanted to know what else we might want. This was particularly confusing because the whole point of having a registry in the first place was so that people won't have to call you up and ask you what you want. In theory, everything you want is on the registry. And really, who cared if the gift-giver didn't like anything on the registry? It wasn't going to them ... People want to sent you something that they see as representative of their personality, even if their personality representation isn't necessarily something you want hanging around your house. You therefore must live with a butt-ugly set of ceramic dessert plates or a set of Judaic art depicting a Jewish bridge and groom in renaissance costume, as opposed to the really nice set of crystal highball glasses you spent

I read this book because my daughter is planning a wedding of her own. It is delightful, lighthearted and I recommend it highly.

Hana Schank channels both her inner Martha Stewart and her inner Larry David as she spends a year preparing for her "more perfect" wedding. As she chronicles her conversations with salespeople, extended family, and on-line confidents, she is honest about her naked reactions to the odd world surrrounding the bride-to-be. Her engaging writing chronicles the annoying, tasteless, and touching encounters that are the landmines on her path to the altar. In the end, she makes sense of these wedding traditions through her experience of the changing tides of family ties. Schank is not too hip to have a real wedding, but her wit, cynicism, and romanticism combine to produce an entertaining and emotional memoir.

Schank puts into perspective the terrible difficulty young women face in both trying to be themselves and trying to fit into a world where women comment upon each choice other women make. Women have made great strides in the last decades in becoming equals to men, yet they continue to torture each other with minute details of how things need to be done and how one must behave. Schank makes you laugh until it hurts as she tells the story of her reluctant trip into weddingland. Anyone who is planning a wedding or who knows someone planning a wedding should definitely hurry and get this book.