"Running away from God doesn't work. I had tried." --Roger Benimoff As he left for his second tour of duty as an Army chaplain in Iraq, Roger Benimoff noted in his journal: I am excited and I am scared. I am on fire for God...He is my hope, strength, and focus. But not long after returning to Iraq, the burdens of his job-the memorial services for soldiers killed in action, the therapy sessions after contact with the enemy, the perilous excursions "outside the wire" while under enemy fire-began to overwhelm him. Amid the dust, heat, and blood of Iraq, Benimoff felt the pillar of strength he'd always relied on to hold him up-his faith in God-begin to crumble. Unable to make sense of the senseless, Benimoff turned to his journal. What did it mean to believe in a God who would allow the utter horror and injustice of war? Did He want these brave young men and women to die? In his darkest moment, Benimoff wrote: Why am I so angry? I do not want anything to do with God. I am sick of religion. It is a crutch for the weak. Benimoff's spiritual crisis heightened upon his return home to Fort Carson, Colorado. He withdrew emotionally from wife and sons, creating tensions that threatened to shatter the family. He was assigned to work at Walter Reed Army Medical Center, where he counseled returning soldiers suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder-until he was diagnosed himself with PTSD. Finding himself in the role of patient rather than caregiver, connecting as an equal with his fellow sufferers, and revisiting scriptural readings that once again rang with meaning and truth, he began his most decisive battle: for the love of his family and for the chance to once again open his heart to the healing grace of God. Intimate and powerful, drawing on Benimoff's and his wife's journals, Faith Under Fire chronicles a spiritual struggle through war, loss, and the hard process of learning to believe again.
Blessed are the peacemakers (and those who minister to them)...
Published by Thriftbooks.com User , 15 years ago
You know that recurring dream or nightmare of a typically childhood incident which terrifies you to this day, often waking you from a sound sleep feeling anxious, scared and upset? Fortunately -- at least for most of us -- we recover quickly from these episodes and fall back asleep or go take on the day. Consider the combat soldier, however. He or she will experience real-life episodes of sheer terror, mayhem, and loss of life or limb, including that of battle buddies. Imagine trying to shake that off, not only to get a good night's sleep, but just to get through the day. Roger Benimoff has written a written a raw and frank account of his two tours of combat with infantry units in Iraq's Sunni Triangle during 2003 and 2005. Benimoff, now a chaplain at Methodist Hospitals in Dallas, recounts his tours of duty and the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder he suffered upon returning from his second deployment. Faith Under Fire is an eye-opening peek into the world of a combat chaplain, where a typical day might include leading morning devotions, running "outside the wire" with Stryker unit, dodging bullets under fire, administering last rights to a dying soldier, and leading a "critical incident stress debrief" of surviving, often guilt-ridden soldiers. Multiply this times a twelve- or fifteen-month deployment where the chaplain- to- soldier ratio is 1:1000 and you gain a full appreciation for the Herculean task involved. Benimoff's most striking revelation is the near-loss of his faith as a result of his wartime experiences and PTSD. After withdrawing from his wife and two young children and going through the motions as an Army chaplain, Benimoff finally agreed to enter a V.A. facility for treatment, where he says he reconciled his purpose for being in Iraq, "but beyond that I was lost. I was angry with God, angry with my wife, and mostly angry and disappointed with myself. `Where do I go from here?'" The author intersperses his narrative with journal entries during the war and after his return home. His wife Rebekah's journal entries add another rich perspective to the family's efforts to hold it all together. I found Faith Under Fire to be a compelling and often harrowing account of one man's test of faith and ultimate redemption. His story, fortunately, has what appears to be a happy ending. Benimoff has graciously provided us with his testimony of faith and service so that we may appreciate the true cost of war upon the soldiers - and the chaplains who minister to them -- who volunteer to fight it.
Highly recommend Faith Under Fire
Published by Thriftbooks.com User , 15 years ago
I found this to be a powerful book, clearly bringing to light the price of war on those who must look it in the eye, and therefore, on all of us as human beings. While helping us to experience the darkness, at the same time, it is a testimony to light we carry within as human beings...light which does not let hope, love, courage, service, and faith die in the face of the unthinkable. I thank Chaplain Benimoff and his wife for sharing their very personal story with us. I am sure that their journals were one of the things they were called to do..to become our eyes and ears into an experience that should not be ignored. And for helping us to see the burdens carried by our healers and counselors who are, in the end, human beings like ourselves in need of healing and counseling. Highly recommend.
Look Inside
Published by Thriftbooks.com User , 15 years ago
This book gives an insightful look into the stress of combat. Even people one would consider unlikely can not escape the mental scars it leaves behind. This is an honest account, and the fact that this couple is so willing to share their personal struggle with the public, is remarkable. With all that is happening in the news regarding combat stress and post-combat stress syndrome, we all should read this book to appreciate the level of sacrifice made by all our military in these war zones. Easy to read, appreciated the religious references, but think even non-Christians would find the book interesting.
Inspiring read for anyone
Published by Thriftbooks.com User , 15 years ago
This is a fabulous book. As prior military and the spouse of an active duty military, it gives that insight that we know all to well. Any family that has a member or friend that will, is, or has deployed - should read this book. It would be a great book for a deployed soldier to read as well. For those that have no affiliation with the military - this book gives an outstanding view of the true dedication and sacrafices that are made to give you the freedom to sit back and read it. Very highly recommend. It is an easy to follow, easy to read book that makes me proud of what our American soldiers and their families are willing to do to ensure our freedoms.
great book
Published by Thriftbooks.com User , 15 years ago
I think this book is great for anyone going through a very hard time in their life. I want to become a chaplain and this is one of the best chaplain books I have read. It is a very easy read and an intresting story. Rodger opens himself up and shows his darkest moments and doubts in himself and God. It was also very intresting reading what his wife wrote getting to see things from bth sides.
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