Getting Free: You Can End Abuse and Take Back Your Life

Overall this is a great book and resource. This book really helped me right after I divorced my abusive husband of 24 years. This book was definitely worth reading. The beginning did concern me as it talks about helping and supporting your abuser as you leave. This is absolutely ridiculous and completely unsafe for the victim and her children. It is in no way the victims job to help him through the divorce!! The best thing she can do is cut off all ties to protect herself and her children. Never underestimate the importance of restraining orders and having no contact. Do not let your abuser and his friends and family manipulate you and further abuse you. Your only obligation is to keep your kids and yourself safe. You did not choose to be abused. This was a choice he made and now he must live with the consequences. It is not your job to help him in any way. Escaping and the wellbeing of yourself and your children has to be your focus. Do NOT waste your time and energy on helping your abuser. He will take advantage of this and further abuse and manipulate you. This book is worth keeping handy to refer back to as you escape and gain the confidence to move forward. A few quotes I saved: If you give in because you’re afraid not to, or because you know he’ll keep at you until he wears you down, it will be an important step to admit that he’s really forcing you. Pg.xxvii It’s impossible to make a really good decision if the alternatives are either risking a beating or resigning yourself to isolation. Pg. 39 The institution of marriage, which is said to be based on love, respect and companionship should not foster power. Nor should it grant the partner who has the most economic power and greater physical strength the right to punish his spouse for either imagined or real faults. Pg.40 Any worthwhile activity you do in spite of the fact that it causes you nervousness, anxiety, pain or insecurity is a courageous act. Pg.125 Emotional abuse can be particularly confusing especially when it is in the guise of friendly playing around. Teasing is one example. You may be expected to be a good sport when your boyfriend makes "jokes" about things you've done or said that you're embarrassed about, or when he makes demeaning remarks about your body, your feelings, your friends or women in general. He might brag about other women he's interested in or who are chasing him. If you feel embarrassed, hurt, humiliated or inadequate as a result of his comments, you're being emotionally abused. Pg.268 It may be that the best decision for you is to be completely open about the battering. To say out loud what is happening can be a strong message to yourself that you are not the one to blame and that you are not ashamed. Pg.283 Chapter 24 is an absolutely amazing!!! So insightful, informative and helpful.

Years ago, I had fallen into an abusive relationship that was very dangerous, not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, financially, etc. When I sought help at a shelter, they recommended this book. It was a Godsend. It helped me distinguish my experience and determine how truly dangerous it was. It gave me the tools and impetus to make the needed changes. 30 years later, I am now delivering talks to woman about getting empowered to leave abusive situations. I hand this book out like candy. An important line from the book: "If there is even 1 percent chance you could be killed, its too big of a chance. We wouldn't ride on airplanes with a 1 percent chance of crashing, would we? If that were the case, one in every one hundred take offs would crash. That is not happening. This review is dedicated to OJ's wife: Nicole Smith. To the rest of you: "Run for your Life!" If you think you need this book, you do. If you can't afford it, email me, and I'll send it to you. [email protected] Really.

I left my partner 6 weeks ago. There were so many signs that I didn't recognize until I had left and until I read this book. The exercises are realistic, and very very helpful. I am searching for more, I wish this book never ended so that I could receive daily readings from this author!

I wish this book was around back when I needed something exactly like this (in 1976-84). It covers "all" related topics: How to decide to leave (making the decision). Protecting yourself & the children, How to get help, the financial aspects of leaving "him", how to find a shelter (or a safe home), how to cope with loneliness, new love in the future, avoiding the same kind of man again.

I am a male counselor working with perpetrators and victims of domestic violence. This book offers insight, hope, and practical advice for people in abusive relationships. It is really invaluable and must be purchased!

I have worked in the field of counselling women both living in and attempting to leave abusive relationships and this book I have recommended over and over again. It covers everything a woman needs to know in order to make the decision to leave and gives her step-by-step direction and support throughout the process. An added bonus is that it is written in a language that someone with little education can understand. The exercises within this book are absolute gems which I use often in my practice, especially the one on emotional abuse. Many of the women I work with minimize this aspect of their abuse and it certainly is an eye-opener for these women. I hope it never becomes an "out of print" book. I would also recommend "Family Violence and the Chemical Connection" by Sally E. Baker. Unfortunately this is "out of print" but if you can find a copy it is invaluable. Others I often recommend are "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans, "The Emotionally Abused Woman" by Beverley Engel, "Outgrowing The Pain" by Eliana Gil and finally "Toxic Parents" by Dr. Susan Forward.