Ghosts/Aliens

"One time my friend accidentally contacted Satan and burnt his eyebrows off." This book is making me laugh, hard. Robert Hamburger's (of "Real Ultimate Power" fame) older cousin investigates a mysterious paranormal conspiracy that starts with a Hot Pocket that moved... on it's own. If you're familiar with the "Jim Anchower" columnist from "The Onion," imagine that type of narrator in a would-be "X-Files" novel. There are lines like, "I once lived in a duplex that had to be blessed," and "Parker brothers need to change their recommended age for Ouija Boards to 30 years and up. Seriously." It's completely idiotic and immature, like "Real Ultimate Power". And this is a good thing in this case, because the book is freakin' funny. It lacks something in the way of cohesion, but that actually works to the advantage of the author. I cannot recommend this highly enough, four times yesterday I was laughing to myself sitting alone reading lines like, "In Cambodia, you can throw a grenade at water buffaloes for FIVE BUCKS." If you are interested in gurgling sounds, opening a portal to time/space, or face-punchings, you must read this book. *Also, after I finished reading this book, I noticed that the lettering on the title glows in the dark. I noticed this when I saw the glowing words "GHOSTS/ALIENS" in the dark, which was frickin hilarious to me.

Honestly, my wife doesn't appreciate this book. I can't stop laughing, though. It's very addictive, in the sense that I didn't want to put it down until I had finished reading. It's full of absurdist humor that I found to be really, really creative. Read it, and I'll bet you'll enjoy yourself.

I'm not sure if it's me writing this review but I'm pretty sure I'm me because I just looked in the mirror and winked at myself and the guy in the mirror winked back and he kind of looks like me except maybe a little bit fatter, so maybe it's me in the future after lunch and/or snacks. This book has taught me so much that I've since in fact forgotten everything because once you learn something so well that you master it, you forget it all together because you become a natural. If you want to become a natural like me, I'd suggest you buy this book, and quick, because I'm pretty sure that every time I even think about this book my powers grow stronger and your chances of becoming as good as me are declining. This book is so good that it should get an Oscars, of the book version of an Oscar which I believe is called a Hamburger.

This book changed my life forever. Gurgling sounds, animals that know my name, dead grandpas, and floating Hot Pockets have been a constant burden on me and my family for years. Through the teachings of this book, I have transformed myself from ghost/alien-plagued loser, to ghost/alien friggin' bruiser. I found the workout schedule to be especially helpful, along with the little sidenotes from the Ferrari. Trey Hamburger is the best author of all time, with Robert Hamburger following a close second. Buy this book, homies, you won't be disappointed.

Wow. I can't believe something so awesome got published. The whole book is two dudes running around town non-stop, chasing "Indians", hypnotizing ducks, ripping off wigs, scissor kicking warlocks. I've never laughed so much reading a book. It's like the whole thing is a perfectly packaged piece of art. From the beard-movement-interpretation-diagrams to the extensive investigation into toothpaste foam and cinnamon-scented pillow to the hand-written research notes in the back, the author has meticulously created the world of a conspiracy nut. And Trey Hamburger has done something surreal by sending actual letters to professors and scientists and publishing their replies. So these real people (poor guys!) have unwittingly become players in this absurd investigation. Anybody who wants to read one of our generation's funniest writers should definitely read Hamburger's Ghosts/Aliens and laugh themselves silly.