Gifts from the Unknown: Using Extraordinary Experiences to Cope With Loss and Change

Louis LaGrand recently lectured in Portland, Oregon at a large gathering of professionals specializing in death and dying. Some keynote speakers were quite conservative while others, like Dr. LaGrand, risked being "outside the comfort zone" with his refreshing views on continuing a bond with someone we love, even after they have died. Contrary to the stereotyped goal most grief counselors seem to harp on about "letting go and moving on", LaGrand has managed to very nicely reframe this into "Let go of the pain, hold on to the love, and continue your relationship with your loved one in a way that is healing while not being intrusive." Nice thought, huh?An "extraordinary experience", according to LaGrand, is one that can range from actually encountering the dead person in a physical way (seeing them in the home), or, more commonly, in a dream or symbolic way (such as a group of cardinals appearing where they hardly ever do, and this happened to be the loved one's most treasured bird). His writing is compassionate and caring rather than cold and clinical and, not surprisingly, he opens the book by telling you that this is just as much for mourners to read as it is for those of us in the "death and dying business".Readers may possibly find some of their core beliefs about what happens to us after we die being challenged, but just give LaGrand's alternative view a chance. I have already used his philosophy of NOT taking someone's grief away (or suggesting they need to move beyond the person they lost) and rewording it as a "loving energy that is fueled as much by love and yearning as it is by the possibility that he/she is very closeby." This should not be mistaken as a chip off of "Crossing Over" as LaGrand does not suggest we are clairvoyant nor are we necessarily capable of communicating with the spirit world, but, rather, only with the cherished few whom we miss terribly and feel there may be unfinished business with.As a professional and also as someone who has experienced their own personal losses, Extroardinary Experiences was one in and of itself just reading the book. I also highly recommend it as a resource therapists share with their grieving clients - they deserve to have their grief not only validated and respected but to have it nicely labeled as "loving energy".