If Men Could Talk: Here's What They'd Say

What a gift this book is, and what a great read. I coach individuals in emotional intelligence, but there are also men in my private life who resemble those in this book. Why, just the other day I had a date with a gentlemen who drove 100 miles to my town to take me out to dinner. As we headed for a restaurant I knew well, in my hometown after all, that he had been to once, 5 years ago, he got lost and asked me not to say anything. ?? "OK," I said, "But it's right over there." I was, well, hungry. He said no, it was not right over there. After 20 minutes of driving in silence ("testosterone makes people silent"), he concluded that I "might be right" [if I'm RIGHT, he's WRONG] and permitted me to point out the restaurant just a few blocks away. He asked me out again, and I declined. He seemed to enjoy "hunting in silence" a lot more than I did. And this, said Gratch, is how men end up in therapy. Only when they've driven themselves for a long time, and are totally lost will they ask directions, i.e., a busted relationship, getting fired, or some other crisis for which they can't find the map they wouldn't use if they had. Yes, men are men. It's good to bear in mind though, as I tell clients to whom I recommend this book, that Gratch is talking about therapy clients. This is not the "average" man, and since Gratch is psychoanalytic, I'll throw in that I think they seem to have more than their share of the designer ailment "narcissism." That having been said, it's a thoroughly delightful book. What you "do" with a man like this - who can't "talk," but there's a lot more to it - is not so simple, but, yes, Virginia, if you're looking for anything "simple" in terms of human relations, you're going to be frequently disappointed. You have to do a LOT of reading, and experiencing, but reading this book is a start. Dr. Gratch gives enough direct recommendations you could put into place in a relationship to give us hope, e.g., when he picks on you because his boss yelled at him/he lost the golf game/he's put on weight, tell him, "Come back when you have something nice to say" and LEAVE HIM WITH THE FEELING. How else will he sort it out, and, more importantly, how else will you keep yourself relatively free of the projections? I found this book helpful in coaching men in emotional intelligence. If you read the book carefully, you'll get a lot of Gratch's attitude, which is the key. He manages to be sympathetic but confronting, and also to retain his curiosity, sense of humor, and compassion, as well as being able to keep himself from getting entangled in the embroglio, which is a skill you need with someone who's not mindful about their emotions. He does rely on the premise that it's their wishes to be feminine (or have the perceived advantages of being female) that should be considered. I prefer to look at the wellness and success that comes from knowing your emotions and being able to talk about them, and from being

I really astonished to read myself while going over the pages. The book is so helpful to understand male behaviour. So, not only the suffering females but also the males themselves will learn too much from this book. Maybe it is not so easy to solve the problems, but to understand and accept the problems is a must to solve them.....

This book gave me insights into the male psyche and a perspective from this therapist's point of view. No only did Dr.Gratch open new avenues in which to communicate with men but he also shared much of himself with the reader. In this book, it is evident that his own journey was both difficult and rewarding. It is easy to see how he was able to relate to his patients and described the uneasy paths they endure. His descriptions of his patients and their voyages through therapy are enlightening and sometimes amusing. I highly recommend this book for both men and women. It is an eye opener!

I just finished reading If Men Could Talk by Dr. Alon Gratch and couldn't put it down. I'm not an avid reader but finished it in 2 days and for me that's unbelievable. It was an extremely easy read and not technical at all. It gave me a lot of insight into my husband of 47 years, believe it or not. I think relating to him now will be an easier task. Dr. Gratch seems to be very human and caring of his patients. I recommend this book to every man and woman alike. I certainly will recommend it to my book club. I'm sure we can get an afternoon of discussion out of it and I look forward to the day we do. This book is truly a winner.

I don't generally read psychology or self-help, which is why, having just finished this remarkable book, I feel like shouting about it from the rooftop. Written clearly and eloquently (no psycho babble!), If Men Could Talk covers a wide range of male hang-ups, taboos, and issues, in a profound yet practical way. On every page Gratch reaches deeply into dark corners of the male mind and heart, shedding light where ever he looks. Shame, inability to express feelings, professional self-doubt, sexual restlessness-the whole male magilla is here, illuminated by easy-to-grasp case studies from Gratch's practice that make his points live. The best part of all Gratch's distinctive tone: supportive but honest, earnest, good humored. His emphasis is on how to start a dialogue with a man: how to listen without being judgmental, how to understand without necessarily agreeing. One example of his good sense(among many): getting in touch in therapy with the left-over anger you feel towards your parents doesn't at all have to mean that you're blaming them for your problems. Time will tell whether what I learned from this book will really make it easier for me to talk. In the meantime I was both enriched and entertained by an encounter with an extraordinary psychologist. And most important of all-it will help my wife to understand me (it's on her bed table as I write this).