It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence, Second Edition

I found this book very helpful. I am still with my abusive husband. I am debating what to do. So not everything applied to me right now. I am sure I will read this book again in the future. The idea on Pg. 94 to write a letter that will not be sent was very helpful for me. I think I will use this a lot. Chapter 17 was extremely helpful for me. I really liked the list of what a healthy relationship looks like. I also loved the list of warnings signs that someone is abusive. This really helps me. I carry a picture of these on my phone so I can refer back to them. Other books I recommend: The Dance of Anger By Harriet Lerner Not to People like us By Susan Weitzan Why does he do that? By: Lundy Bancroft Codependent No More by Melody Beattie The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans 10 Lifesaving Principles for women in Difficult Relationships by Karla Downing Next Time, She’ll Be Dead by Ann Jones The New Codependency by Melody Beattie Better than boundaries Victory Over Verbal Abuse by Patricia Evans When Love Goes Wrong by Susan Schechter and Ann Jones Too Good for Her Own Good by Claudia Bepko and Jo Ann Krestan Controlling People by Patricia Evan The Emotionally Abused Woman by Beverly Engel The Verbally Abusive Man- Can He Change? By Patricia Evans It’s My Life Now by Megan Kennedy Dugan and Roger R. Hock Wounded by words by Jeenie Gordan, Karen Kosman, & Susan Osborn 2nd half going back to abuse may be dangerous Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them by Paul Hegstrom Sweet Suffering: Woman as Victim by Natalie Shainess Emotional Vampires by Albert J. Bernstein The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout The gift of fear by Gavin de Becker Emotional Blackmail by Susan forward, Donna Frazier & Susan Frazier Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love them by Susan Forward and Joan Torres

It's My Life Now fills an important gap in the literature on domestic violence. There are several great books out there that help bring the abused to the point of recognizing that they are in an abusive relationship that they must escape. These books help clarify the patterns and cycles that are common to so many abusive relationships. When searching for help and healing myself, I largely encountered books that told me how to get out, get safe, and (had I any children) get custody. But at that point, I had already fought my way out of my abuser's grasp and was searching for something to help me untangle the webs of control, humiliation, and verbal abuse I had endured. I was also struggling with difficult feelings of guilt, loss, and anger that I needed some guidance to process. That is where this book came in: the practical guide to regaining yourself after enduring abuse and/or violence. What is so valuable and remarkable about this book, compared to many others, is that it walks the abused through the complicated (and admittedly frightening) time AFTER she gets out of the relationship. It begins with the typical identification of abuse and abusive behaviors, but as this book is written for those who have already left their abuser, this list serves a different purpose. In an incredibly reassuring and helpful chapter that addresses the feelings of love for the abuser that may still remain, we are asked to make a list of the qualities that were attractive in him in the first place. Then, we return to the initial chapter's list of abusive behaviors and make a list of what type of abuses were committed and with what frequency. The positive list serves to reassure the abused that she had compelling reasons for being attracted to the abuser, while the abuses list reminds her that the abuser (however charming) is not who he seemed. There are many more simple, journal-style exercises that I found important for gaining insight and perspective. The book addresses key issues I encountered in the uncomfortable period that ensued within one week or two of leaving my abuser. The author also recommends that readers return to these topics and exercises one month later, for comparison. (Perspective is everything.) I have emphatically recommended this book to the women I have met in domestic violence support groups, who have returned nothing but praise for the usefulness, pertinence and clarity of It's My Life Now. I have found it invaluable in my own process and will continue to refer to it when I require strength or guidance.

After coming out of an abusive marriage, I was desperate. This book was one of my saviors. It helped to make sense of so much, without feeling ashamed or guilty. I recomend it to anyone who thinks they might have been abused, physically, emotionally, financially.... It's kind of like a best friend. In other words a great read.

This was a great book. It was never boring and was always on point. The exercises are so helpful and healing. It's like a counseling session everytime you open the book.

Meg Kennedy Dugan is Director of the Victim Assistance Program in New Hampshire and co-author Roger Hock is a Professor of Psychology: the two join forces and expertise to provide the updated second edition of IT'S MY LIFE NOW: STARTING OVER AFTER AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP OR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. Life after getting out of such a relationship often continues to be a struggle, and IT'S MY LIFE NOW offers guidance to overcoming common pitfalls, blending worksheets with insights on self exploration and ongoing growth. From handling feels of loss to overcoming feelings associated with having loved an abuser, IT'S MY LIFE NOW continues to offer invaluable lessons. Diane C. Donovan California Bookwatch

I'm reading this book right now, and I felt it was written just for me. Believe me, if you are coming out of any kind of abusive relationship (remember, it does not have to get to the point of physical abuse to be abusive), this book will help you deal with your loss and your recovery. I broke up with whom I thought was the love of my life 2 months ago. Been through hell. I too thought it was insane to love and miss so much a person who was constantly putting me down and hurting me in many ways. It had to stop. But once you're out, STAYING out could be pretty tough. It sure is for me. This book is guiding me through the loss I'm suffering and so far it's been THE GREATEST help I received. It's been like reading my soul. I need to THANK the authors, you've helped a great deal.