Kosher Sex: A Recipe for Passion and Intimacy

I can't believe how long it took me to finally get around to reading this superb book (is there a ranking higher than five stars). On a semi-long flight, I'd almost finished it off in one sitting, but I hesitated, not wanting to gobble it up in one go. It was precious, meant to be savoured, and absorbed very slowly into the bloodstream. I'd been meaning to read Rabbi Boteach's books for over five years now, ever since I heard Rabbi Boteach go toe-to-toe intellectually with Larry King (someone else whom I respect highly). Despite the long wait, I wasn't disappointed. Look, again (as I've said in numerous other spots in my Reviews), I'm not going to tell you what's inside this book. I don't have to, seeing as I'm positive the countless other reviews which you can find here under this listing describe the outline of this book thoroughly, and people have gone into the specifics of what to find inside. I don't wish to repeat what may already be here, and I imagine that I won't do as good of a job as they have -- admittedly, I haven't had a chance to read all of the reviews either. I'm going to laud the high quality of the reviews which I generally find here, and make the necessary presumption. I think all of us who pick up books like KOSHER SEX are essentially seeking answers. Answers to the things which may have troubled us with our relationships in the past, and we're seeking advice on how to place less of a personal emphasis on meaningless sexual encounters, or the constant state of one-upmanship we play with ourselves in our minds, rationalizing the corrosive things we might do sexually. We need to begin to see the harm it inevitably causes us, our selves, and Boteach points out a way. Not *the* way, but *a* way. I had many blessed "eureka" moments in reading his narrative, when my simply jaw dropped, saying things aloud like: "That's EXACTLY what I was thinking!" or "So I'm *not* the only person who feels this way?!" Reassuring in the extreme... Ultimately, my aim has been to learn to become a better father, husand, lover, and partner. While there isn't ONE single book that encapsulates the skills required to do so, I'd have to say in the breadth of titles I've already read on the subject (Jewish, non-Jewish, and everything else in between), this one ranks rather highly up there. In a nation (the US) which seems to pride itself on its soaring (over 50%) divorce rate, books like Boteach's just *scream* out to be read. There is something dreadfully wrong in society in which sexuality is a commodity, and in which -- as Boteach notes -- there is little difference today between the genders which essentially levels the playing field (one advantage), but to the deteriment of the family unit (an even greater disadvantage). I found myself dog-earing pages and note-taking during my read, something I generally avoid doing as it disrupts my flow. But like I said, Boteach's lines just pulled me in. Five-stars. Because of this, I'd now like to read the

This is an interesting, sensitive and intelligent book, written by a man of considerable charisma and persuasive power. It belongs squarely in the self-help genre. Although the author is a rabbi, the book will appeal both to a general and a Jewish audience. In the book, Rabbi Botheach explores the roles of sex and intimacy in creating strong marriages. His viewpoint is positive and encouraging. He celebrates love and sex in the context of marriage and elevates the bonds between men and women. Boteach really believes that love makes the world go around. It's a book that will make you feel good and help you think about the relationships in your life in new ways. Although he is a rabbi, some of Boteach's views are remarkably "out of the box" and are supported by modern research. Just one example: the argument that good sex can lead to people falling in love (not the other way around-that love is a prerequisite for great sex) is supported by the latest research. Other opinions he expresses are so commonsensical that they will strike a chord even in the heart of someone who does not agree with everything Boteach says. One of things I most liked about the book is Boteach's respectful celebration of women. Unlike other Orthodox writers, he does not argue that women are somehow inferior to men. I think he really likes women. His attempt at explaining why women and men have separate roles in Judaism (to preserve women's mysterious nature) is the only part of the book that left me with a feeling that Boteach did not perhaps really believe what he is writing. This is of great credit to him. I liked the book a great deal and I recommend it, but there are a few things I'd like the perspective reader to keep in mind. Boteach is a Hassidic rabbi. This stream of Judaism has missionary aims (mostly directed toward other Jews). Some Hassidic rabbis will speak pretty much any speak to make their point and reel in the audience. Boteach's friendly and easy manner is a type of method acting, which aims to educate you; outreach is what he does for a living. I personally find nothing wrong with this, but bear in mind that there is a reason for the style and language that the book employs. Behind the "one of us" style hides a deeply conservative set of arguments. Boteach rejects very mainstream sexual practices (masturbation and pornography outright and even sex in any other but the missionary position or leaving the light on). I think many readers may find this somewhat irritating. If you can get over this and think about the deep respect in which Boteach holds love and intimacy and his celebration of men and women, you'll get more out of the book. My only other reservation is a sense that Boteach's view of marriage is a little idealized (and no wonder - that's the point of the book). I know many marriages that don't rest of intimacy, but on very down to earth reasons (money, career, security, status and so on). While these seem flawed to Boteach, I am not at

Rabbi Shmuley has explained in clear, succinct terms exactly how a godly marriage should be. No preacher I have ever heard has ever explained this aspect of the bible better, and in such an accessible, non-legalistic way. Both my spouse and I have learnt a great deal, and been challenged by it. We have stopped doing a lot of things that were simply wrong, and our relationship has improved and grown as a result.

Note: This is not a book about the actual techniques of sex, but deals with your most powerful sexual organ - your mind.....as he quotes Ann Aldrich, "If the psyche is unwilling, no amount of technique can persuade it; and if the psyche is willing, no lack of technique can dissuade it." This book is about more than Sex, it is about relationships - married and single - religious or not. I am so glad that I did not let the things that I disagree about with Shmuley Boteach to keep me from reading this book. He is a Chasidic Rabbi (Chasidic is Orthodox, but what some incorrectly call "Ultra Orthodox"), though he doesn't really sound like what one might expect (if you are worried about that). Both my husband and I read it and I can't believe what a change it has caused in our lives! We are observant Jews and so we keep the Jewish laws pertaining to family purity which are very rewarding, but this book added insight that was very useful for us. My husband has become more expressive of his affections, we've grown closer together and even our lovemaking is more intimate and enjoyable than ever. This book isn't only for Jews, but is extremely accessible and candid - and never offensive. He doesn't get into intimate details of the bedroom that one might be embarrassed by. His ideas are very well reasoned and come across as very thoughtful. I found it a thoroughly useful and fascinating book. Most chapters are around 5 pages long. Some shorter, some longer, but they get right to the point and don't go on and on. My attention was sustained throughout. I read a lot of books and am rarely really impressed (especially by books on sex and marriage) and don't recommend books to my friends that often, but this one I've already started recommending. This covers things that my other books on Sex and Marriage (Jewish, Christian or Secular) don't touch or just don't know how to deal with. BTW, a reviewer said that he doesn't advocate anything other than the missionary position and not things like having the light on. I did not see anything of the sort in this book, but I know that it is a widely believed myth that Orthodox believe that way. Boteach even advocates sex toys if they are supportive of your relationship. So don't worry that you are going to be told what to do. He presents reasons why he doesn't like pornography and masterbation but he isn't preachy. Because this book isn't only about sex as the physical act itself I think I aught to give you an idea of the Table of Contents. Part one is "Sex File" with the chapters called, "Lust and Commitment", "Sex and Doing What's Expected", "The Myth of Compatibility", "Sex and Traditional Thought", and "Love, Lust, and Intimacy". Part Two is "Sexual Techniques: The Mechanics of Sex" with chapters called, "Can Men and Women Really Enjoy Sex Together?", "Is There a Kosher Kama Sutra?", "Your Spouse: A Friend or Lover?", "Is Oral Sex Wrong?", "Married People and Masturbation", "Should Sex Be Used to Mend Bridges?"

As a religious Jew, it is very difficult to find anyone who is prepared to tackle sexual issues openly and frankly. It has been an absolute breath of fresh air for me to read this book, and get practical advice on the sexual aspect of my marriage.I HIGHLY recommend it to anyone, but especially to any other observant Orthodox Jews like myself, who need to be able to confront these issues within the "daled amos" of halacha.