Lies at the Altar: The Truth about Great Marriages

first let me say that i'm a woman so i read the book through those eyes. that said, i think the book gives lots of scenarios that everyday couples encounter and dr. robin talks to you about how to navigate through them. i have read the book in chunks and found that to be the best approach for me. there are some useful exercises and tools for working through issues in this book. she doesn't tell people if they've got a problem they must end the relationship although the start of the book is a little bit more focused on assessing whether or not you're in a good relationship to begin with, the 2nd or 3rd chapter and beyond gets into if you're in a relationship how to work through the common issues that might come up. for those concerned that the book is geared towards women being the "victims" and men being "wrong", that tone, if you feel it's present, really dissipates after the very start of the book. basically the 3rd chapter or so on focuses on breaking down the marriage vows and how even with the best intentions we don't always know what will come up nor are we equipped to deal with it. i like how in a lot of examples she explains WHY people are doing what they do or saying what they say. many times she points to our childhood as a source of why we are who we are. sometimes in a relationship i think we become so focused on how our partner feels we forget the "why" of their behavior although dr. robin takes it a step further and doesn't excuse the behavior but gets people to a place where they can find a solution that works for them as a couple. she recounts many stories from her practice that i think we can all learn from. i particularly like her discussion about the marriage table and the different people that will come in and out of your lives as a couple. that is very useful information for couples to consider. the book is in paperback now...i recommend it.

Great book for couples. It sparks a lot of dialogue and raises many issues couples often don't think about before getting more serious. It also creates a non-threatening mechanism to address topics that people sometimes feel uncomfortable raising.

I think this is an excellent book. The breakdown of the vows and exactly what they mean when you arrive at the altar naked before each other presenting your whole self to your spouse is the reality people need face before getting married. I highly recommenend for newly weds and those who want to recommit themselves to their spouse. I think those who say it is a female centered book are totally missing the mark and I think she shows equal examples of men and women. People need to look pass the gender and look at point she is trying to make because the experiences of all of those people can be applicable to any sex. Unfortunately, Oprah has helped Dr. Smith and hurt her because some people will read the book just to see what is wrong with it rather than trying to benefit from her Wisdom.

It takes a brave woman to reveal the mistakes in her marriage to help others improve their own, yet that's exactly what Dr. Smith has done in this amazing book. She poses hundreds of questions that few people have the courage to examine, much less discuss with their partners. But doing so is the only way to create the type of fulfilling marriage that's truly worth having. I applaud Dr. Smith for writing this book. In a world with few relationship models, she has offered a painfully insightful place to begin.

I wish more books would address issues like this. It is important to understand that many people change over the years and the "innocence" of a new marriage can cause problems with unrealistic expectations and frustrations when the paths of our lives take unexpected or stressful turns down the line. This book is a comprehensive look at this topic and gives helpful direction and guidance for those seeking to keep marriages intact and strong to avoid becoming part of an unfortunate statistic. I am a teacher, spouse, and parent and I highly recommend the wisdom of this book.