Miss Manners' Guide to Domestic Tranquility: The Authoritative Manual for Every Civilized Household, However Harried

Should be required reading and taught in every high school (freshman year would be best) in the land. The World would be a far, far better place if this were so.

I've read some horrible "etiquette" books in the past few months, written by people who confuse fashion with courtesy and retaliatory revenge with civil public behavior. Miss Manners is the real deal. This book belongs in every household. Long may she wave.

Judith Manners does a marvelous job of presenting manners to the busy family of today, where courtesy and consideration could get lost in the shuffle of demanding schedules. She has a light touch but it is underlined with authority; she writes humorously but her topics are serious. Firmly, gently, and unerringly, she writes of how to behave in every situation. (She could have been the quintessential Southern Belle of an earlier era.) As I learned in my midwestern girlhood, the most important rule of etiquette is to make people feel comfortable, to think of others, to be tactful and kind. Miss Manners has this goal in mind as she writes on such diverse topics as answering machines and call waiting, entertaining in-laws and dealing with family differences, and being a good house guest. Politeness and courtesy lubricate all social relations, and social relations may sometimes be taxing but are utterly necessary to our mental and emotional health. This is Miss Manners' well-articulated creed. As a mother who has raised four teenagers, I especially liked her attitude toward laying down the law in adolescent years: Give your children something to rebel against, as they need this desperately. At some level they will recognize this as a sign that parents do care about them, and as they mature they will begin to realize that setting limits is what loving parents do. This advice to parents about teens is a good example of the tongue-in-cheek wisdom of Miss Manners, presented in an entertaining way. Her book is lengthy but the pages fly by because of her light, friendly approach. Highly recommended.

I'm a big fan of Miss Manners' mix of dry wit and common sense. In this book, she tackles everything from dealing with in-laws to throwing parties where all the guests feel welcome. There are also amusing anecdotes on the history of certain overwrought practices (such as the myriad forks popular at Victorian dinners)and essays on gift registries, opn house style parties, and uninvited guests. The title says it all: there is enough information in this book to help any household run more smoothly.

As always, Judith Martin's witty and impeccably well-mannered style presents civilized behavior in an entertaining and accessible way. Miss Manners addresses those thorny aspects of interpersonal dealings that can reduce even the most competent person to futile handwringing. Chapters include The People, The Place, The Rules, The System, The Help, The Visitors, Entertaining:The Social Contract, Entertaining:The Social Event , Entertaining:The Relatives and The Community.