Mrs. Keppel and Her Daughter

A lot of people know about Mrs. Alice Keppel, but not as many people know about her daughter Violet. So Diana Souhami tries to set that right with the double biography "Mrs. Keppel and Her Daughter" -- which is somewhat misnamed because it seems far more interested in Violet Keppel Trefusis than her royal mistress mama. Fortunately, Violet lived up to that interest: a young woman whose passions burned her out. As is pretty well known, Alice Keppel was a famous London socialite and one of the favorite mistresses of the British king Edward VII. But Souhami quickly turns attention to Violet, who showed her intense romanticism at an early age -- she became passionately attached to Vita Sackville-West (whose first love was her childhood home, Knole). Sackville-West married Harold Nicolson and entered into a comfortable, loving open marriage with him, but the marriage was splintered by her affair with Violet. In short, Violet threw her heart, body and soul into her affair with Vita, and even tried to blackmail her by marrying a nice young solder named Denys Trefusis (but neglecting to mention her obsession with another woman to him). She craved a life together where they would live openly and freely for each other -- and when Vita turned away from her, her fixations on love and romance caused her life to crash and burn. It's not hard to see why Diana Souhami is way more interested in Violet than in her mom -- Violet lived a life straight out of a soap opera, complete with heartache, steamy sex, illicit affairs, lives ruined, mass scandal, marriages under fire, the lesbian underground of Paris, and romantic dreams that could never realistically come true. Actually, soap operas wouldn't dare to write in stuff this juicy. Souhami starts off on Alice Keppel, her genteely adulterous lifestyle and her distant relationships with her daughters. But as soon as a prepubescent Violet starts crushing on her future lover, the focus swings sharply to follow Violet alone. And Souhami's writing style is a delight in itself -- lush detailed portraits of Edwardian England, between-wars Paris, and the gorgeous but shallow world occupied by the wealthy and aristocratic. As portrayed, Violet is a rather sad figure -- she believed that her love and passions should be freely and openly expressed, unlike her discreet mother. It's rather sad to see a romantic person who literally gave everything for love, and ended up burning out her own spirit. On the flipside, she also comes across as a horribly selfish person who didn't care who she hurt (like her poor husband) as long as she got to pursue Troo Wuv. A more mysterious figure in this is Vita, who later went on to have an affair with Virginia Woolf and inspired the gender-bendign classic "Orlando." Souhami's never quite able to grab Vita's elusive motivations -- we're never sure how much she loved Violet or whether she was consciously dangling her on a string. Though it has the title of "Mrs. Keppel and Her Daughter,"

Alice, Mrs.George Keppel, known in Court circles as "Little Mrs.George", was the mistress of Edward the 7th for many years, until his death. It's a well known story that Queen Alexandra sent for her to attend the death bed of her husband, but what I hadn't known before is that Edward had sent Alice a letter, years before, expressing his wish that she might be allowed to say goodbye in the event of his approaching death. She'd kept this letter which she sent to the Queen, virtually forcing her to accede to his wishes. With this same determination and strength, she proved herself to be the perfect mistress for Edward, always ready and willing to satisfy his appetites and, at the same time, using his influence to acquire enormous wealth and social prestige. At that time in the beginning of the 20th century, the position of Royal Mistress was still held to be a position of social esteem, providing, and this was a BIG proviso, that the affair was handled with absolute privacy and tact, and with no hint of scandal. Alice's daughter, Violet, whose parentage was uncertain, was another matter. In her teenage and early years, she conducted a violently passionate love affair with Vita Sackville-West which lasted for some years until her possessiveness proved too much for Vita. This book will be fascinating for history buffs as it gives a wonderful insight into the morals and mores of Edwardian times, which Violet found to be hypocritical but which allowed people who were often married for convenience and to propagate family lines, to live their lives with a semblance of normality. Violet was a supremely self absorbed woman and, like many of her class at that time, idle and self indulgent through a lack of purpose, except her own pleasure. I found it to be a marvellous read.

Most of us are commoner, middle class and heterosexual. We don't give thought to other worlds until something strange happens--the murder of Versace or the death of Princess Diana. This book lifts up the rug on these two worlds and allows us to glimpse at something quite alien from our own. Beneath the upper crust of society there is a social dictum that allows the rich and the well-connected to be "doing it and excusing it" as long as it's done with discretion. Behind the facade of certain marriages are gay people in hiding--arranged marriages of convenience. It is a social hypocrisy that didn't start with the Edwardian era but it certainly continues through today. Billed as a double bio, this book is more the biography of Violet Trefusis, lesbian daughter of Alice Keppel, King Edward VII's mistress and the great-grandmother of Camilla Parker-Bowles. But to tell the story of Violet, one must understand Alice and the Edwardian social set. This story is a tour through strange worlds indeed, richly told with text from the letters and published works of the main characters. This is biography that gives you the pathos of real people. Diana Souhami tries to balance the scales by telling the story of the famous lesbian affair between Vita Sackville-West and Violet Trefusis from Violet's point of view. One feels sorry for Violet but also annoyed. How long does it take for Violet to accept that Vita isn't willing to commit to their relationship? Violet, the victim, is a self-deceiving at best, dense at worst. Violet hasn't inherited her mother's ability to make the best of whatever social situation she's in. That's the ultimate tragedy of it. The hypocrisy of society will be with us forever. Only the strong learn to use it to their advantage. It's a lesson we all learn, whatever our place in this world.

After having read this book, I can't stop thinking about it and pondering what makes us happy in life. The people in this story, constrained by the morals of their time, sought happiness through influence, fame, wealth, and sexual relationships with varying success. Today, although our society is more open and free, achieving happiness is still a challenging business. As I read about Violet Trefusis' unhappy life, I wondered how different it would have been had Vita Sackville-West eloped with her. What if their times had been more accepting of openly homosexual relationships. What if Violet had been able to live within the lie of her marriage. If this story had played out today, could it have ended with happiness for Violet. Are things so different for us today. Souhami's version of the affair between Violet and Vita leaves one feeling angry and annoyed at Vita. If Vita had been honest about their relationship, Violet may have learned to accept her life without the possiblity of a long term relationship with Vita. Violet may have healed emotionally and been able to get back on track in life. Instead, Souhamis portrays Violet as a victim and her life damaged by her unrequited passion for Vita. Vita held out false hopes to Violet by waffling and lying to Violet about their relationship, while actually having no intention of ever leaving her marriage. Vita was not very honest and if she had been a man, she would have been called a cad. I plan on re-reading A Portrait of a Marriage to see if Vita can change my mind. But my first reading of that book several years ago left me unconvinced and Souhamis has written an interesting and convincing portrait of Violet as the victim. I highly recommend this book. This is a story about human relationships - husband/wife, mother/daughter, lover/loved, not just the lesbian relationship between Violet and Vita. It is about how these people were able to resolve (or not) the many issues in their lives and the kind of happiness they achieved.