Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls

Even as a woman in my late 20's I continue to see this type of behavior among my peers. Particularly in the work context, I have observed: exclusion, silence and denials of alternative aggression. Afterall, the workplace is the adult equivalent to the social environment in schools and rules of courtesy and professionalism often prevents or discourages direct confrontation. I recommend this book to everyone whether they are a parent, a spouse, a co-worker, or a friend to any girl or woman. The devastating effects of betrayal by a close friend has impact on adults as well as children. I agree with other reviewers that Simmons could have gone deeper in her analysis of the cases, but the framework she has set forth is well thought out and groundbreaking.

You know, I get so sick to death of scientists with their graphs, their figures, their boxes and numbers, because the majority of this research actually has very little real value. Have you ever seen any of the questions they ask these young people in that research? They have to classify on how many isolated occasions they are bullied during a day, a week, a month and the answers to that are all put in graphs. Bullying is generally classified by types such as physical bullying, exclusion, namecalling and so on. The problem with this method is that it assumes a whole number of things it should not assume! For a start, a lot of bullying does not happen in single isolated incidents but in an endless stream of small continual pinpricks, the sum of which cause a person unbelievable distress, but when a (young) person tries to explain what is going on they sound petty. "It was just a joke" What about hate campains, where everything is under the surface, where one person gets bumped into twenty times a day, stepped on, 'actidentally' pushed down the stairs, 'accidentally' hit over the head with a bag several times a day by different people, every single time followed by a 'oops, sorry about that'? What about the systematic putting down of someone through a whole range of little things, but by a (so-called) close friend, something that would not even be classified as bullying by the victim, even though it can be very abusive? How would that fit into any of these neat little boxes? The problem is that a lot of the bullying is so subtle that the victim is never quite sure whether they are imagining things and when they do stand up for themselves, they often get classed by teachers as a problem kid, rather than as a victim of harrassment by the rest of the group. Another problem with this research is that it assumes that the split between bully and victim is very clear cut. I work in the performing arts with young people, specialising in socio economically disadvantaged areas, where bullying is a big issue and I can tell you from experience that this is definately not the case. An entire gruop, including the school administration, the teachers, the parents, they are ALL part of this bullying culture, either by tolerating it or by actively pursuing it. If one kid makes a nasty joke, isn't there a whole class to cheer him or her on? And the cheerers, how many of those cheer because they fear they may be next?There are many teachers who function by picking on one kid and using and abusing this kid on a continual basis to keep a class quiet. What appears on a graph? Not much bullying going on, is there, just one annoying kid throwing around accusations, not to be taken seriously. None of the other kids back him up, do they? But what is that teacher teaching those kids? It was about time that a scientist took the effort to go back to square one and look at what is actually going on in schools, to redefine bullying, based on what they see rather than assume and t

I got this book at my mom's suggestion, because I was going through my own situation a couple of years ago with 2 other girls. (I'm now 15) This book could not have been truer. It's true that girl's aggression is hidden, because it's not as easy to see as a guy beating up another kid. Rachel Simmons has come up with a book that truly explains what goes on, and uses plenty of examples. It is true that both physical and relational aggression is something that needs to be dealt with, even though we can't stamp it out completely. But it's also very true about society telling girls that we can't get into physical fighting, that we must be nurturing and caring, and perfect. And every single aspect of that is a contradiction unto itself. One of the things society tells us girls, is that we must not be afraid to speak our minds, be ourselves, and express opinions. But yet if we speak too strongly of what we think, we are rejected and sometimes tortured. This is a reality of girls' aggression. I'm a freshman in high school, and I've been seeing it since I was 10...atleast. At the very least. Guys beat each other up, and girls destroy other girls in secret. It's done carefully so that no adult can pick up on it. I am very much against what people say, when they believe that this is just something that girls need to go through, or that these are life lessons that just have to be learned. Any person wouldn't say that about guy's aggression, so don't say it about girls'. The rumor spreading, alliance building, silent treatment, whatever you want to call it, truly is something that girls do, and it's next to impossible to find a guy doing the same. I had no trouble whatsoever understanding this book, and if you have or are going through an experience like this, you shouldn't have trouble either. Everyone woman and girl can find a part of a story, or something Miss Simmons simply talks about, to relate to. I think this book is wonderful, and it certainly helped me with my own experience. I also love the fact that Miss Simmons included women's and girls' stories, because it really helps to show that no one is alone in this. I'm aware that she has come out with a second book about girls' aggression, but hope she comes out with more, going about it in the same way as Odd Girl Out, in other parts of the country. This is truly the book we've been waiting for on the aggression of girls.

This book is long over due! It has to be one of the most important books on female social behavior I've ever read. Author Rachel Simmon's explains in graphic detail how boys tend to bully acquaintances or strangers but girls attack within tightly knit friendship networks, making aggression harder to identify and intensifying the damage to the victims so the impact can be felt well into adulthood. Females fight with what is called "relational aggression": the silent treatment, exclusion, mean looks, rumor spreading, ganging up on a girl, manipulating relationships. In a girl's world, friendship is a weapon. A fist is weak when compared to the humiliation of a day of silence and rejection. There is no gesture more devastating than the back turning coldly away. Simmon offers advice on how to help young girls deal with this huge problem in our society. My only real disappointment with this book is it assumes this vicious behavior stops when girls grow up and become women. This simply is not true. I know too many grown women who behave this way. My neighbor's behavior fits the definition of "relational aggression" to a `T' from the silent treatment and exclusion of her victims to the way she is overly concerned with her façade as a likable neighbor, wife, and mother. She is a wolf in lambs clothing. While the naïve decry school age girls as ruthless, I beg to differ, in adulthood, women are even worse, they are only more sophisticated at disguising their ruthless maneuvers.