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Paperback Remarried with Children: Ten Secrets for Successfully Blending and Extending Your Family Book

ISBN: 0553382004

ISBN13: 9780553382006

Remarried with Children: Ten Secrets for Successfully Blending and Extending Your Family

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Book Overview

It's the most daunting task many parents will ever face- bringing two growing families together into one brand new marriage. But even though statistics show that most remarriages are at high risk--especially when there are kids involved--more and more people are learning how to make them work and more and more kids are coming out of them with their psyches and souls intact. This honest and hopeful book looks at those successes--and at some failures--to show what they have in common- ten essential secrets that are at the heart of a healthy blended family. As a stepparent with six children in a blended family, Barbara LeBey draws on her own family's hard-won success, as well as on extensive interviews and new research to show how to navigate the stresses, sticking points, pitfalls and perils most couples don't even anticipate. Starting with her first controversial secret--that the new marriage comes first, even before the demands of the children--LeBey debunks prevalent stepfamily myths and anticipates common traps. (Among them, money issues, warring stepsiblings, and destructive exes.) A strong advocate for children (including how to guard against fade-out parenting), she also suggests ways that in-laws, schools, and the legal system itself could provide better support for blended families. REmarried with Children is an expert, compassionate, down-to-earth book to turn to over and over again for advice, support and sanity. Key topics include how to- -Meet your children's and stepchildren's needs--without letting them undermine your new marriage -Understand the new roles, new rules, and the new relationships for children and stepchildren of a blended family -Deal with angry and/or manipulative exes--without adding fuel to the fire -Handle key decisions about finances, religion, traditions, behavior and discipline -Maintain healthy relationships with your children's grandparents--and other relatives--from a previous marriage -Recognize warning signs of trouble ahead--and get the help you need

Customer Reviews

5 ratings

Marriage First

Author Barbara LeBey writes with wit and wisdom. She has an important message whether the marriage is the second, third -- or first: Put the marriage first, and everything else will fall into place. Today's families must be strong from within, and that strength comes from its foundation, the parents. More of today's "experts" should realize this truth. This is a terrific book.

From a Wicked Stepmother

Many years ago I married a man with five children. To further agitate this domestic caldron, I already had six children of my own. These were the days when large families were the norm, and the movie "Yours, Mine and Ours" was the first to recognize that people with children were marrying each other. Aside from being in love, all I had going for me was my high energy and sense of adventure, the fact that children seemed to like me, and that my own children were turning out well. There was no road map, and I flew blind. Things went badly, and the marriage failed. Perhaps I could have avoided the feelings of inadequacy I still carry if a book like "Remarried with Children" had been available.

Useful and a Good Read

This book shows how important it is to put the marriage first. The focus is on putting aside the time to create a good relationship and preventing another divorce and more trauma for the children. The author tries not to push every relationship into one mold and she offeres a variety of options for some problems. I really enjoyed reading this book and I highly recommend it for those whose lives have fallen into any of these situations.

Fantastic

I think the new book by Barbara Lebey is extemely informative and straightforward on the potential problems facing blended families. The author gets right to the heart of the matter and offers unvarnished practical advice. It is a must read for anyone with these issues in their lives and a most welcome gift for someone who is embarking into this evergrowing family dynamic. Anita Roll

A Must-Read

As I read Remarried with Children--Ten Secrets for Successfully Blending and Extending Your Family by Barbara LeBey, all I kept thinking was: where was this book when I needed it. Many years ago I married a man who had a nine-year-old son and an eleven-year-old daughter. Since I had never had children, I entered this marriage ill-equipped--I was virtually clueless--to deal with the children of the man I loved. LeBey's book could have saved me so much grief (the checklist alone on pages 113-115 would have been invaluable), prevented the myriad mistakes I made, and helped me work through the conflicts and problems that are inevitable when two people marry and one or both bring their children into the marriage. You aren't just marrying that man or woman, you are also an "instant family"--one that was there years before you came on the scene. Without the knowledge and tools to deal with this complex situation, the probability is that you will deal instead with ongoing tension and conflict, every conceivable form of resentment, disagreement and confrontation. And, in many instances, the stress of the stepchildren/stepparent relationship can erode the very foundation of the marriage itself. It did in my case. Every chapter in Remarried with Children would have served to enlighten me, to calm my anxieties, and offer the kind of sage advice that I could have used on a day to day basis. The book is filled with reader-friendly stories that serve to illustrate--dramatize,really--every point LeBey makes. Her style is compassionate, often witty, entertaining, but above all, always delineating the problems with clarity and insight, and giving the reader the awareness, motivation and the means to make their newly blended family a shining success. As I said, I definitely needed this book, and now after reading it, I know it would have been all that I needed.
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